I'm Moving On I'm Putting On My FREE
Free to me means waking up everyday and deciding to live for ME, unapologetic. It’s being selfish with my time, it’s setting boundaries, it’s taking that mental health day, it’s making plans that I actually enjoy and want to go to, it’s filling my day with things that make me feel alive and fill me up, things that no longer leave me on E and exhausted, It’s simply doing whatever makes my soul smile, dancing to the beat of my own drum. For the longest time I was living in a place that was cramping my style. A place called the struggle, a place called past mistakes, a place call bad habits, a place called insecurities, a place called THE PAST. I can’t even begin to tell you how uncomfortable this place was, I mean it was so outdated and quite frankly needed a complete makeover. I’ve given this place years of me that I will never get back & I would not recommend ! I’ve allowed my past struggles and trauma to cripple me physically and mentally where somewhere along the way I lost it. I lost my voice, I lost my drive, I lost my fight, I lost my identity. Until one Sunny Saturday Morning I woke and I decided that I needed to move on, I decided that I needed to simply let go of everything that wasn't for me or deserving of my energy, and sometimes that the hardest thing to do but if you want to obtain something that you've never had you have to be willing to do something you've never done and that's to CHANGE and really change this time ya know, not just say you're going to change and continue the next couple of months or years being the same. So yeah, I got up out of bed, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I put on my favorite mediation tunes and began to set my day up. After that I decided that I wanted to paint my office and give it a new look. As I was going through my phone trying to decide what playlist I wanted to listen to Jhene Aiko came to mind so I decided to put her album "Chilombo" on and OMG I instantly fell in love and it was a complete vibe. A vibe I wanted to get lost in forever. As I was painting Jhene Aiko's song "Speak" came on and it literally stopped me in my tracks, mid paint stroke tears started to flow down my eyes because this song embodied everything I was determined to accomplish. The lyrics go a little something like this:
"Look how the sun
Rises without our asking
Shining with so much passion
Light just for us to bask in
Love shouldn't be for our keeping
I'll celebrate my freedom
I'm gon' speak up
Speak from my heart, baby
Speak from my soul, sugar
Say what you want, lady
Act like you know who you are
Speak from your gut, honey
Say what you want, my love
Be who you wanna be"
In that moment nothing else mattered it was like I was in another world, a world of my own. Needless to say I put this song on repeat and for the next hour I began to become more vulnerable and transparent with myself, & before I knew it the paint brush was down and I was gliding across the room with my hands up, dancing without a care in the world, simply caught up in the moment and enjoying every second of it. It was in that very moment that I decided that I embraced Freedom. I embraced me living for me, realizing that I’m responsible for only me and nothing more, nothing less. No longer living for everyone else and being someone I thought everyone else needed me to be. I'm finally discovering what makes me me and I'm so loving it. So long past life, I'm in the mood for a long drive and I have just the perfect destination in mind. "I'm moving on, I'm putting on my Free"
Originally Published: April 1, 2020
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